Dreaming
by PussyWillowCat
Summary: Sometimes, she dreams of him. Jack/Gwen alternate POV R&R?
1. Chapter 1

Sometimes, she dreams of him.  
Not anything really anything serious, just like what their children would look like, what the style of her dress would be at their wedding.  
The dreams are brief, too brief, and they end sooner then she'd like. For some reason, the dreasm hurt more then not having them do. It's a nightly reminder of what would never be hers.  
She wants to hate him for favoriting other people-_ that aren't her- _but how can she begrudge hi m that n she does the same to him?

Some nights, she dreams of him. The night that are lonely and cold, with Rhys away somewhere else -_he says he's going to Dav's, but she can smell the perfume on his clothes- _she dreams of what could be. Of his arm around her, of his lips against hers.  
When she wakes up, she's crying. It hurts that Rhys can't even stay with her-_she laughs bitterly, because didn't she do the same to him?- _more then she'd like to admit.  
The others can tell –_she hates Owen's sypmathectic glances- _ and she avoids looking at him, but it's hard to not see his electric blue eyes.

It's after he left and she still denies it –_why did he go?- _and can't believe he's really, actually gone. It hurts so much, more then she's ever felt. She's strong for everyone else, bt breaks down when she's alone.  
As if to make matters worse, she finds underwear that isn't hers in their bed and leaves Rhys. Every night she's cold and lonely and misses him so much. The dreams return every night, even more vivid and colorful then before –_whispers of I love you-_ and her pillow is always wet in the mornings. No one notices the defeated slump in her shoulders, the empty look in her eyes or the tear tracks on her face. Not that she wants them to, but she would like someone to hold her –_she wants him- _but she must be strong.

He's back and alive and oh, she loves him –_so much- _and then it happens. The moment. And that is enough to fuel her dreams forever. Because the dreams are back –_better, now- _and she doesn't cry as much. But he notices –_of course he does- _and talks to her and she wants to tell him –_so badly-_ but she doesn't. Maybe she'll regret it but she doesn't.  
And then there's a night she can't remember anything –_none of them can- _but her dreams are full of her and him sitting at a table and I love you's.  
She's pretty sure her heart is broken –_unfixable-._

These dreams are different. Cold and soft, painful and silently heartbreaking. She wakes up sobbing into her pillow and wants him.  
She sees Rhys with another woman and turns away. He sees Rhys and asks about him. She tells him –_perhaps something will come from it- _and he hugs her for a while. She closes her eyes and cries –_he doesn't know why, will he ever?- _and he strokes her hair.  
She wonders if he dreams.

The dreams are fast and far and long and loving. She keeps them close to her, not letting them escape –_she's afraid that her heart will disappear- _and hopes.  
The alien rushes at her and she feels it hurt her. She closes her eyes as she falls, and doesn't feel her body hit the ground.  
He talks to her, but it's desperate, longing. She smiles; she knows it's the end.  
"Hey," she says softly. He gazes at her. She takes a deep breath and hands him the book she always keeps in her pocket. Her dream diary.  
"I will always love you."  
She doesn't hear his reply, the darkness is too much –_and too little- _and it's over. Her last thought:

_He can't die._


	2. Jack's POV

Sometimes, he dreams about her. Nothing very serious, what she would have looked lke on their wedding day, what she would say at night.  
They were sort; too short. Long enough for him to live it and short enough to cut him away.  
Ianto knows –_is it in his eyes?- _and they end whatever they had. It hurts less than he wouldnhave thought.  
Even though he sees her everyday, it isn't long enough. He still wants more of her, to own her like no one else would. It scares, him the longing he feels.

Sometimes, he day dreams about what it would be like to with her. To have her hair between her fingers. To die with her- _he can't die- _and love her and live with her.  
The nights when he dreams are cold, solitary, seperated from the rest of the world, alone. Then, the only thing that keeps him sane is her, her voice. Her smile. He dreams of her lips on his, her body against his. It's sad, really, how much of his life is in dreaming –_is it worth it?- _but it doesn't matter.  
He thinks they know –_he hates Toshiko's knowing looks- _he wonders if she knows –_would it be so bad?- _and sort of wishes she did.

He's so far away from her, so far that is physically hurts him. There is a constant ache in his heart. The only thought that keeps him sane is the thought of coming home to her. He would get to hug her and smell her berries and cream scent. He loved that smell –_was it because he loved her?- _and couldn't wait to see her again.  
The dreams get worse –_better?- _and becomes more intense – _I love you- _and it hurts to wake up. His cheeks are always wet with tears and he can't believe he ever wanted to leave Torchwood –_leave her-.  
_Through hazy eyes he watches what goes on around him, but he only sees her. To him, it hers footsteps he hears coming closer, her voice that talk to him. They can easily see the haunted look in his eyes –_wasn't that their motive all along?- _and the slump in his shoulders.  
All he wants is her.

He's back and much happier. He told her of his thought –_my only thought was coming home to you- _and now his dreams are lighter, more loving. He can see something in her eyes and askes her about it but she doesn't tell him the truth –_is there a truth?- _and wishes she trusted him.  
One night he can't remember anything. His dreams are full of hope and he wonders what happened.  
He thinks his heart is broken.

There are new dreams, colorless and heartbreaking.  
It's a gray afternoon and he sees Rhys walking with another woman. He asks her about and she tells him. He holds her while she cries and he cries too –_he can't help it- _and wishes her pain away. Her eyes are bleak and sad and he wants to hide her from the world and keep her safe, but he can't. She's strong- _and so is he-_ but they all need someone to lean on.  
He wonders if she dreams.

There is something in the air, something that has his stomach twisting with dread. He isn't quite sure what it means, but he watche her.  
His dreams are fast and hard and painful and he wakes up sobbing. He doesn't like it, and worries.  
He sees the alien tear at her and his world freezes. His gun fires and and he picks her up. He isn't aware what he's saying –_please, no, not her, please, no, not her- _and he thinks he's crying.  
"Hey," she says and he looks at her and can see it in her eyes. She won't survive this.  
She hands him a book the color of her hair.  
"I will always love you," she says and her eyes close.  
"I love you, too. Please, no, come back, not her, please not her!" He collapses and can't feel is pain, absolute pain.  
His heart is shattered.

It's been a day and a half and he read her dream journal. It's like his dreams, and he loves her –_so, so much- _and he wants to die.  
He's pretty sure his dreams are the only thing keeping him alive.

_He can't die._


End file.
